From sweet ol’ Riv
Men strike back!
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do […]

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!”
My mother taught me RELIGION -
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL -
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into […]

A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife,
“Honey, I’ll be right back.”
“Where are you going, coochy cooh?” asked the wife.
“I’m going to the bar, pretty […]

Questions about Australia 
The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors. They were
posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual
responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the […]

Reader’s Digest humour
Driving down the highway, I saw this slogan on the back of a well-known trucking company’s vehicle : “We Always Go the Extra Mile”. In the grime beneath it, someone had scrawled : “That’s Because We Missed the last Exit”.
Proper attire is required in the cafeteria at the University of Maine. to enforce […]

This is deadly serious, so don’t ignore it.
Several new viruses have been discovered and are wreaking havoc throughout the national system.
Beware of…
THE ALGORE Virus…. (Causes your computer to just keep counting and counting)
THE CLINTON Virus…. (Gives you a 7-Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)
THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus… (Makes a new hard drive out […]

Super Duper Computer Store
Long one, but damn funny Enjoy
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name’s Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I […]

1. Men are like …Laxatives …… They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like. . Bananas …….. The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like …Weather . …….. Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like …. Blenders . You need One, but you’re not quite sure […]

Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the […]

Shakey went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. “you gotta help me, I’m going crazy!”
“Just put yourself in my hands for two years,” […]

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, “Can’t […]

An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy.
Consul : What is your name?
Arab : Abdul Aziz
Consul: Sex?
Arab : Six to ten times a week
Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab : Both Male and female sometimes camels
Consul: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too
Consul: Man,……… isn’ t it hostile?
Arab :Horse style, dog style, any style
Consul: […]