This is deadly serious, so don’t ignore it.
Several new viruses have been discovered and are wreaking havoc throughout the national system.

Beware of…

THE ALGORE Virus…. (Causes your computer to just keep counting and counting)

THE CLINTON Virus…. (Gives you a 7-Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)

THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus… (Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)

THE LEWINSKY virus… (Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails everyone about what it did)

THE RONALD REAGAN virus…. (Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)

THE MIKE TYSON virus…. (Quits after two bytes)

THE OPRAH WINFREY virus…. (Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200mb)

THE JACK KEVORKIAN virus… (Deletes all old files)

THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus… (Disks can no longer be inserted)

THE PROZAC virus… (Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn’t care)

THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus… (Only attacks minor files)

THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus… (Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back)

THE LORENA BOBBITT virus… (Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through window)